sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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