Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
