I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
