Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did I show you my penis last night?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
