Dual....:-)
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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