we're blogging at a bar
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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