in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Randomize
