there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
