I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
