Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
