While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
