I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
