The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The struggles of a small town man whore
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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