I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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