Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
