Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
