Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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