Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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