remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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