yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
