I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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