I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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