I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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