I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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