The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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