Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
