I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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