Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
