I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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