i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
