I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
