So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
