after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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