Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
