he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
