You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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