There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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