We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
