You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
