I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
