im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
