I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
