He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
