Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
