That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
