I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
