every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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