How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
