I just threw up on my dentist
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Panties = found
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
