yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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