Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
