Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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