You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
