also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
