Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
