This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
