Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
