so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
