I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
