She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
