i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
