We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
