New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
