i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
