the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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