his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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