dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize