wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
