Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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