I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
