Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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