White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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