how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
