Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize