my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
