Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
