when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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