I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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