Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
