don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
