you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
