he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
