Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
