i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
