It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
