Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
